Nearly 12 years ago, my husband placed a gold band on my finger with these words:
“With this ring I thee wed, all my love I thee give.”
Nearly a year ago, I took that ring off.
Before you think this is a post about divorce, let me assure you it is not. Our marriage is wonderful and we look forward to celebrating our anniversary in a few weeks.
What this post is about is pride.
You see, I took the ring off because it was leaving a bruise. My autoimmune flare-ups have caused both inflammation and weight gain. As a health coach, and as a woman, that is a hard thing to admit. I hated being without my ring but I also hated that it wouldn’t fit my finger. I would try it on every few months and be disappointed that I still couldn’t get it over my swollen knuckle. I was also struggling to be a wife, mother, and servant to my community while dealing with chronic vertigo and fatigue.
Fast forward a few months; I am finally back on my feet for the most part. I am walking often and exploring other forms of movement that doesn’t aggravate my system. I am more attentive to my family and am writing more. In other words, I am feeling like myself.
Back to the ring.
With renewed energy and clarity of thought, I realized that my pride was stopping me from wearing my wedding band far more than the size of my finger. Autoimmune disease is a roller coaster ride that will not disappear overnight. There is no shame in saying I am not yet healed. I can give myself grace and space to heal without giving up hope of remission. My ring size is not likely to be the same as when I was training for a half marathon. The rest of me isn’t either. That is okay. I am feeling well enough to be a good mom, and that is much more than okay.
With all of this in mind, I took my ring to the jewelers and had it re-sized. It has taken nearly a year, but my wedding band is back on my left hand where it belongs. This ring is not a representation of my size or even my health. It is a symbol of my marriage; the commitment I made to God and to my husband
When I look at the shining band on my finger I will think of the day my husband slipped it on my finger in front of friends and family. I will think of all the adventures we have had and the children we brought into the world. I will remember that no matter what tomorrow brings, in our house love wins.